no, really this time

So after I wrote that entry yesterday about appreciating our experience and privilege in the face of embarrassment, frustration, and indignation, I faced all of these today to the furthest extent as yet in med school (this threshold, I know, will continue to be pushed each day on the wards). And it was harder in practice to tell myself what I'd been thinking for the past week: that these incidents are challenges that push us to focus on why we're here, that roughness is rough but not crippling, and that our learning is on us. There were a couple things in particular I saw today that I didn't like and bothered me for quite some time afterwards, but after talking to a few friends I remember goals I've accumulated over the past week of Survival Fair. Don't dwell or complain (not in the moment and not too long after the moment either; everyone should give justice to their feelings, but in my case I need to recognize and move on, or it becomes consuming and unproductive). Use the energy to improve, instead, even if in the rare case the problem lay outside of myself. Let what I see change me in ways I would want, and come home as a person I still like. I didn't expect to need to remind myself so much before I even stepped inside the hospital, but better here than there. This year will be tough, and good.