language

I've been spending the last few days reading a book on motivational interviewing. One of the main problems I see in medicine is communication, and one of the things in which we aren't trained enough. In medicine and in my own life I've seen the weight of words. I have personal biases too, because having spent years writing essays about the choice of particular words and their context, I'm inclined to feel the nuances of everything that's said. This book is founded on the idea that while change must happen from a source internal to a person, the facilitation of the change very much depends on external factors, like how you talk to them about the change. I think this is all very true, that people are consciously and subconsciously affected by tone, syntax, vocabulary.

For that reason I try to take care with words; it's one reason I find it easiest to write rather than converse, when I have more time to consider. I've been told that this is a mode of filtering, that I'm being less honest because I don't just say what comes to mind. But for me I don't feel that my immediate words reflect my immediate feelings, mostly because I've barely figured out how I feel, not nearly enough to explain why I feel that way, and to explain it to convey it.

But it is hard, because language, even the same one, doesn't overlap from person to person. There are subtle differences in connotation and meaning for each person, and not only do you have to process what it means to you, but also what did the person mean, and which is more meaningful? Since I give it so much thought, I often forget that most people don't. And so, I shouldn't take things this way or that; that's not what was intended, and then following that things are said with clear meaning but that aren't meant. Too much care can be ultimately detrimental, and so balance is a goal in even something like that.