february

Last month's update on my resolutions, while trying to stay up and on my night schedule this month:

1. Blogging: This was the one resolution I was able to fully keep, and glad as it was a really important month for processing. There was so much more to write and process, but I'm glad that I didn't let the intense ICU experiences pass me without some recording. That was a singular month in my life, and even if experiences can never fully be encapsulated I'm grateful for the means to track some part of its trajectory.

2. Recipes: I wasn't a big fan of the two new recipes I tried this month, though M was. The first was a dessert that sounded like a dream to me: baked croissant french toast with lemon cream cheese(found here: http://www.everyday-reading.com/2015/02/baked-croissant-french-toast-with-lemon.html). It looked so good, and I made it for our anniversary. I found my result to be a little too soggy; luckily M thought it was delicious and finished most of it. I would try it again, making sure the croissants are more on the stale side and also actually following the directions about either refrigerating it or letting it sit for 30 minutes, because I think that would congeal things and make the bread less soggy. The second recipe I tried to make was an adaptation of a restaurant dish we absolutely love--the Cajun shrimp from Cha Cha Cha, a Cuban tapas place in the Haight. I found someone's attempt to recreate the dish: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/cha-cha-cha-cajun-shrimp-50041610. I didn't think it tasted anything like the original, and this may be because I adapted the recipe a bit, but again Mark liked it a lot and said it did taste similar. I would try it again, making sure that I use sweet paprika (ours was smoked), and also a dark beer for the base (we only had a pale ale). I've still not quite learned that the details in cooking do matter, and that using substitutes requires a good understanding of what taste each ingredient is being used for, and the nuanced difference between ingredients used for particular bases and flavors. I think that's where the difference lies between a good and excellent cook, and while I'm content with being good enough to follow directions, I'd like to develop more of these skills. In any case I feel lucky to have tried two recipes at all, because I basically didn't cook at any other point in the month.

3. Albums: I didn't have much spare sitting time to listen to music, so a couple of these albums were half-hearted listens. But I did get to fully absorb Bjork's Vulnicura (was so happy to hear about this early release from wife). I think Bjork is the most creative artist ever. I still remember the moment I fell in love with her: seeing from a far distance her tiny energy bring to life a Coachella stage, amazed by how much power such a small woman could carry, and then going home to listen to all her albums, each one uniquely creative and inspiring. I can't even describe how much I admire her, how she instills this incredible sense of how amazing people and the world can be, by showing us what we are capable of. Anyway, so anything else really has no chance of standing out even if I had been in a more clear state of energy to listen. But I did try to give Lost in the Dream, from the War on Drugs, another chance because I've heard so many good things about it, and I can't say I'm that crazy about it. I think it's okay, but it hasn't blown me away yet. I also gave Viet Cong's self-titled album a quick listen, though I really hesitated about the name for obvious reasons. I cringe to think of what my dad would think, even understanding rationally that the name obviously isn't an endorsement of cruel communist politics. Anyway, they sound a lot like Interpol so I enjoyed it and thought it was a well-done album, though again didn't fall in love. There's always Bjork.

4. News: Just have to admit that it was no surprise to me that this fell completely by the wayside. I don't anticipate March, a month I'm working mostly nights, to be much better, but I will try.

5. Exercise: Sadly, I struggled with this one and it made me really grumpy not to have time to do the things I enjoy. I usually had to sleep soon after coming home from work most nights, and after 30-hour call days I never had any reserve to exercise. I managed to climb twice, go to yoga a few times, and run a few times. I only managed one week where I accomplished my resolution of biking, swimming, yoga, and climbing all at lest once in the week. And I'm pretty proud of achieving that once. Again, March doesn't seem optimal for this, given that being up at night and sleeping during the day gives you a unique kind of fatigue. But I did run home from work the other morning, and it felt good both during the run to actually be outside and seeing daylight (I miss light much when on nights), and the next day when at work I could feel the lightness of my legs that comes after a run, reminding me that I'm human and can move and be out and about, even when I'm stuck at the hospital.

It was a hard, rewarding month and even though it was impossible to keep up with all these resolutions, having them in the back of mind pushed me to do more of what I wanted than I would have otherwise, so grateful for the intentions.