recharging

In the past week, I've had to replace my phone charger, my iPod charger, and my computer adapter (though my computer just died altogether, so it may not have been the adapter that was the issue). My phone charger has been acting up in the past few months. I have to wiggle and bend and contort its attachment to the phone, to reach a precarious position where it will charge the phone. For awhile it only took a few seconds and a book for pressure, to get it working. And per usual this is an inconvenience I can willingly put up with indefinitely. But it got to the point where ten minutes of adjustment didn't do the trick, and even if it worked eventually, there was no standard way of adjusting; it'd be a different trick each time. I've been content charging my iPod via my iPod stereo or my computer, since the charger that came with the iPod broke a long time ago. This was back when Apple still gave a charger with the iPod (that's right, first generation iPod packaging). This also gives you an idea of how old everything technological I own is. Anyway, I would've been fine without a wall charger, except now my computer is dead and I can't go without charging my iPod for three weeks while abroad in Vietnam. And my computer has been having issues with its adapter, where none would charge it up anymore; I'd found a new one at home that worked for several months, then wasn't working; so I got another last week. But looks like the computer needs more than that, because it won't start up.

So as many have told me, it seems that I probably need new things, rather than continually trying to recharge old ones. But even if I replace everything, I'm left with my old sometimes worn self, and I'll always have to find ways to recharge. Thank goodness for running into people at exactly the moment I need cheer, for stubborn climbs, for him in the evenings and how he makes me value not just his presence but my own, and for new travel to old places.

friends

In a period of low where I felt both made to feel, and self-induced to feel, a bit mediocre, I sought love, and found it. No matter what else I accomplish or am trying to accomplish, knowing that I can be something to someone, makes me feel purpose more than anything else. When our home is a place to ring the doorbell at any hour, when our couch and kitchen is open to someone who wants company, quiet company while sleeping exhausted or raucous accompaniment to the guitar, when there is a knock at the back door just cause--I'm incredibly grateful to be a person to come to. And to be able to go to them. Though generally uncomfortable with positive reinforcement, I admit there are times when it's needed, and nice. To have a friend you respect so well tell you you're one of the best, to have a boyfriend who calls you at work when you're feeling inferior and makes you feel chosen instead, to have a group of wonderful people want to be with you, to have emails end with love that's genuine and felt across distance. To be deserving of it all, is the best goal to have, and when other things aren't going so well, this alone is reason to keep trying to be better.